How To Manage Conflict Behaviors To A Better Resolution

Conflict Resolution Made Easy  

Conflict is inevitable in business, and it comes in all shapes and sizes.  From disagreements to bad attitudes and office politics to poor performance, unresolved conflict can be the root cause of poor teamwork and results.   

Effective conflict management can lead to greater teamwork, trust, and better business results. This article explores the different conflict behaviors and how to use them with a servant leadership approach. 

Understanding Conflict Behaviors 

1. Competing:  This behavior involves a high level of assertiveness and a low level of cooperation.  Competitive individuals aim to win in conflict at the expense of others. While competing can drive conflict resolution, it should be balanced with respect and collaboration to prevent conflicts from escalating and to create buy- in to the resolution. 

Remember, when you compete, you win and someone loses. Be careful that your desire to win, your confidence, and even your ego can get in the way of the best outcome. There is a saying that:  sometimes you win, but you may lose in the end.    

Recommendation:  Moderate your competitiveness in conflict. Know that the best answer or outcome may not be yours and may be the result of other people’s thinking. Look for a win-win outcome more often. In some cases, you may have to trade some of your desire for winning for more compromise. 

2. Collaboration:  Collaborative behavior seeks to find a win-win solution and some level of consensus. It involves seeking input, meetings, a seek-to-understand mentality, and a level of assertiveness and being highly cooperative. Leaders should encourage collaboration around conflict, so the issues, facts and data, and different perspectives can be considered. 

Recommendation:  Don’t jump to conclusions in conflict. Bring the involved parties together, check your emotions at the door, seek input and perspectives, and work toward the best decision. Bring an open mind. In our practice, we always recommend communication and collaboration as the cornerstones to conflict resolution.   

3. Compromising:  This behavior involves finding a middle ground where each party gives up something to reach a mutually acceptable solution. It is moderately assertive and cooperative. Leaders can use compromising to resolve conflicts quickly while maintaining relationships. Being open-minded and flexible in our attitudes, opinions, and perspectives allows us to see things from the other person’s angle. If you are stubborn, opinionated, and inflexible, then the door can be shut on compromising.  

Recommendation:  Bring some compromising thinking to conflicts. Most of us come ready to protect and promote our thinking and positions instead of being ready to seek to understand by asking questions and listening. When you show compromise, you invite teamwork and collaboration. When show low compromise, you promote resistance and a fixed mindset. Remember, at some point, you will need the cooperation of others, so be sure to make some deposits into the compromise bank.  By doing so, they will be waiting for you when you need them.  

4. Avoiding:  Avoiding conflict can make a bad situation worse. Avoidance creates unresolved conflict and resentment when conflict is not addressed. While this can be useful in situations where the conflict is trivial, it can lead to a lack of teamwork, hurt feelings, poor performance, and a breakdown in communication.  When you avoid dealing with a conflict, you pull a brick out of the foundation of trust.  

Recommendation:  Identify and then focus on the business issue. Park your emotions on the sideline and don’t take things personally. Gather the facts and data, look at the situation objectively, and put the issue on the table.  When you have a moment of transparency in conflict management, you take a step forward toward resolution.  

5. Accommodation:  This behavior involves low assertiveness and high cooperation. Individuals who accommodate put the needs of others before their own. While this can help maintain harmony, it can also lead to resentment if individuals feel their needs are consistently overlooked or that they are being taking advantage of. Accommodation is meeting the needs of others, and low accommodation is the cornerstone to accountability. Professionally push back, ask questions, challenge, hold people to agreements around times and deliverables, and support people with honest feedback.  

Recommendation:  Resist over-accommodation. As a leader, you are responsible for delivering results and not pleasing everyone. Emphasize what was agreed to, the current state, what the gap is, and then work toward steps to achieve the desired outcome. Hold people accountable to following through as agreed and provide your leadership support and coaching.   

Leveraging Servant Leadership Techniques in Conflict 

Servant leadership is a philosophy in which the leader's primary goal is to serve their team. This approach focuses on the growth, well-being, and support of team members with open communication. Some key servant leadership principles can be simple and provide practical ways to work through conflict.  

1. Active Listening:  Servant leaders give their full attention to team members, notice nonverbal cues, and avoid interrupting. By actively listening, leaders demonstrate respect and create a safe space for team members to express their views and explore the conflict. When you listen in conflict, you send a real message that you respect the other person, you have an open mind, and you are a partner, not the opposition, in solving the conflict.

2. Empathy:  Servant leaders value others' perspectives and approach situations with an open mind. They show team members they care about their well-being, which contributes to a supportive relationship and more effective conflict resolution. Using some goodwill in conflict will make a deposit into the trust and relationship bank. 

3. Building People Connections:  Strong relationships within a team are the cornerstone of effective leadership and building trust. When you have trust, you have an unemotional, fact, and data-based platform upon which to lean into conflict. Effective leaders use open communication, empathy, and trust among team members to work through the difficulties and emotions around trust. 

4. Encouraging a Speak-Up Culture:  Creating a speak-up culture involves making team members feel safe to express their views and opinions in conflict.  How you react when people speak up will have a direct correlation to the willingness of people speaking up on conflict. Encourage open discussion and frame it around seeking the best outcome for the business. 

By understanding conflict behaviors and leveraging servant leadership techniques, leaders can more effectively work through conflicts. If you are loyal to certain behaviors, such as competing, try compromising more, listening longer to what people think, and seeking others’ thinking first before you engage to win. Let seeking to understand prevail before offering resistance in conflict. Think of yourself as a partner in conflict and not an adversary. Lastly, before you use your go-to conflict behaviors, look at your options and try some new behaviors, and you just might be surprised at the results! 

By Rich Frigon